I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
