dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
