Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
