vagina is talking i cant
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
