thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
