We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
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the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
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Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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