am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
