I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
