Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
