My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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