Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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