who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
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They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
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I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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