Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
