Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
