worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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