Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
