So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
