Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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