How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
be right there i have to get my cape
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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