My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
