I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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