I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
