The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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