And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
