i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
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It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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