Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
where are you?
Hypothermia
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Randomize
