Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
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Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
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Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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