My friends, they love my intelligence
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
