He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
