I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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