I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
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