On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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