just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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