Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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