i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
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"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
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I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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