be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
