You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I love black thongs
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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