thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize