i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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