i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
