My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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