Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
