Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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