i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
