Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My bed smells like the plague
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
