the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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