Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
