just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
