He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
