Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
