We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
