how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
