His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
