When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
