should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
