Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
