everyone is single if you try hard enough
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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