i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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