Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
