it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
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Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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