Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
