I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
