Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
