How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Enjoy the penises
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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