good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
