I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
