the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
