I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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