gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
