Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
a search helicopter?!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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