looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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