I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
