and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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