does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize