The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
