...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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