guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
