roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
