I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
