Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
