Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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