I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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