I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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